Any relationship has an inducement to our formation or deformation, and an unhealthy relationship prevents us from being authentic. Healthy relationships are increasingly rare because people think more about them, their interests, their needs, and they have no time or mood to listen to their partners.
In the opinion of psychologist Lenke Iuhoş, the most common mistake most people make is mentally to form the image of their ideal partner, and when they know someone to compare it to that projection.
Only then will the relationship problems be defended, as the real partner will have its defects compared to the ideal partner.
At first, in order not to underestimate its power to decide correctly, the person concerned will try to disregard these discrepancies, will become self-sufficient, and over time all these self-indulgent frustrations will escalate to the point where we will punish them for that they are not perfect: some become aggressive, others play the role of victims, others are absent in their relationship, others seek parallel lives, etc.
Such types of behaviors give rise to different types of abuse, not so physical, but especially emotional.
Emotional abuse may be more serious than physical “Emotional abuse is a reality sent from one generation to another, nowadays still tolerated. They are not talking about them, thinking they are lighter than physical abuses and can live with them. We often encounter emotional abuse in the family, in the couple, in the relationship with the parents, the elderly parents abused by their adult children, situations in which we are abused by colleagues, heads, etc. “, explains psychologist Lenke Iuhoş.
The situation of emotional abuse is the one in which a person humiliates (“you are not good for nothing”), deprives of emotional rights (“do not cry”), quarreling, criticism in a very aggressive way (“I can not do anything you, “in other words, has some manifestations by which the abused person begins to doubt himself.
Abused people are no longer aware of the danger “The abused person feels very insignificant, very guilty, seeks to fix things in one way or another, begins to believe that he does not need respect, doubts his mental health, abandons those self-care behaviors of emotional balance.
The victims of emotional abuse often do not realize what is happening with them, even a lifetime they live so that they feel normal and thus tolerate abuse because they are already familiar with it even from childhood.
This is caused by the fact that I do not know what love means without jokes, without irony, without jokes, without denial, without humiliation, without stress, “says psychologist Lenke Iuhoş. The specialist says that emotional abuse commits that person who does not have enough empathy with the emotions of the other. The wounded person is not aware of what the other party feels.
The abuser chooses well … the “victim” As a rule, people who have a greater predisposition to emotionally abusing (so who were emotionally abused in their childhood) choose the couple’s partner very well because they want to always have control.
The “victim” will be a vulnerable person, who resembles his childhood ego from his youth, will choose a person who often outlines his defects so that he always finds reasons for dissatisfaction. “These periods of abuse are cyclical because the abuser will not adopt this kind of non-stop behavior.
It will go through an intense period in which your partner abuses, then he will quench and everything will become normal, then he will continue a new series of emotional abuses. He will always know when to stop so that it does not exceed a limit of tolerance, resume a period of calm, and then he will continue to insult his partner.
Because she has never been abused to the extreme, her partner tends to systematically forgive these crises in the couple, will give her a new chance every time, and the pain will increase from year to year, “says psychologist Lenke Iuhoş.
How to raise children not to become abused adults? Since the behavioral pattern of the abuser has been developing since childhood, the psychologist Lenke Iuhoş gives us some tips on how to raise our children so that they do not become abused adults.
A growing child is a child with a sense of personal value. “If we grow up a strong child, he will feel a loved man for what he is with his values and deftness. It will not be valuable because it takes good grades at school or because it listens to its parents, but it will trust it in every way.
When the child grows, the warmth of unconditional love, which does not exclude discipline, learning, practicing life, it becomes empathetic, loving, attentive to its values and to those around it.
A strong child, if attacked at his personal values, will not be offended, devalued or humiliated. He will protect his own value, for he knows that he is respected and loved in the distance, “explains psychologist Lenke Iuhoş.
A child growing up with resources is a child who is much better off. “Resources are our inner strength to lift us despite the difficulties even after you have been very badly injured.
A child who knows what to do and who is his highest abilities, who realizes that he still has a lot to learn and discover in life, knows when it is time to ask for help, and when he can cope independently will always have a a pillar of support, will always be anchored in reality, will be present in society, communicate with both adults and children, “explains psychologist Lenke Iuhoş.
A child exposed to different life situations will be harder to trick. “We must allow our children to face different situations in life so that they can experience and learn how to manage their own different situations.
Of course, everything must be assisted and monitored by the parent, but we must offer a minimum of autonomy, “concludes psychologist Lenke Iuhoş.
(photo source: Boldsky.com)